De-throned, I sit amid my splintered life; Convulsed in misery, repulsed at strife That tears, distorts, and damages my goods, My blood, my name, as nothing ever should. I, who had promised always to remain; To cover with my life, to ease the pain The world might bring, to be the priest And savior of my brood and ask the least, Found now in agony, no toys upon my floor, No arms outstretched, no tiny voice, no more The welcome sweetness of my purest son To greet me as he's always done. These fragments never more shall know The unity, the oneness of my soul. Hell appears inviting when I see The agonizing silence awaiting me. I never knew each cell could suffer so. I never dreamed that like a vapor go The lives I cared for -- cherished --loved And dedicated to the Lord above. A thousand devil-demons taunt me now And jeer because I don't know how To live again or even just begin. I feel so vile within. Un-Father's Day, I've heard before Of men like me who've suffered more. I never understood, 'til now, The lethal agony of broken vows. God, if You're there, I pray You'll answer every prayer Of men like me. We're so alone and we Feel prayers are garbled messages Of futility.

© by Joan Clifton Costner

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