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It has almost been a year now since I tried to commit suicide, but it seems like much longer because I have grown so much since then. I started feeling depressed when I was about 14. I was getting bullied in school and had been for a while. I used to hate school and every morning I had a fight with my mum because I didn't want to go, at the time she did not know how I felt or that I was getting bullied because I didn't tell her, I didn't tell anyone. I don't know why I got bullied,(does anyone) I suppose they saw me as an easy target because I was quiet and I liked different music to them. While they were all listen to pop music like "Spice Girls" and "Steps" I was listening to rock music like "Guns n Roses" and "Oasis", but this should not have been a problem because I did not criticises their taste in music, in fact I didn't give them any reason to bully me.

I was not just the same people bullying me all the time it was like different people once one group of friends in the school got fed up picking on me, another would start I just couldn't cope anymore, I thought I was alone and started to believe what the bullies were saying, that I was "ugly" an "a freak".
	Eventually I had had enough and one day after school I went home feeling really depressed, I just went straight up to my room and sat and cried for hours and hours, I felt I that no one cared for me and there was no point in living and about 9 o'clock that night my mum and dad went out, my brothers were in friends so I was in the house alone. I sat and thought for a while, I was really confused I just sat thinking and dreading the fact that I would have to go to school tomorrow, then something just clicked and I thought am not going to school tomorrow or ever, so I went downstairs, I did not really think about what I was doing at the time I was just looking for an easy way out, but unfortunately I chose the wrong way.
I went into the medicine cabinet and just grabbed as many tablets as I could find and swallowed them.

I went back upstairs and lay in bed, I had never felt so scared in my life, I just lay there numb crying and regretting what I had just done I started thinking about mum and dad and how they would feel if I died, but I was too scared to tell anyone so I fell asleep at about 5 o'clock in the morning and mum woke me up at 7, for a moment I forgot what I had done and then realised, I felt so so sick I vomited a few times but still didn't tell anyone, I just got ready and went to school, as soon as I walked into my classroom my teacher asked me if I was ok, I started crying and walked out, I went to my head of year and told her everything, because at this point I was so scared that I was going to die.

My mum and dad were called and I was taken to hospital, everything happened so quick in the hospital they rushed me in and did all kind of blood and other tests and asked me loads and loads of questions about what I had taken and how many and why? When the results come back they said that I was very lucky, and that if I wouldn't have told anyone I might have died, then they said that there was nothing they could do but wait until the tablets cleared out of my system but they said I would be OK because I did not take very many parocetamol (which is what kills your organs) and they kept me in for a few days until they were sure that it was out of my body.

I regret so much trying to kill myself and would advice anyone against it because it does not solve anything it is much better if you talk about your problems and confront them, I realised this too late. Thinking back I can't believe I tried take my life because of bullies, I have shown them now that they can't get to me anymore because I know that I am better than them and with help from my family I am now a confident person. I will be sitting my GCSE's June of this year and I know that I will do well. I am now a different person don't have time for bullies in my life even if they do say the occasional comment I just laugh and walk away because it is them that are freaks not me. I hope my story will convince someone that suicide is not the way out and it is better to talk about your problems with a friend or family or even a help line. there is hope believe me. Just remember that you are a special, unique, worth while person and don't ever let anyone else tell you different. God bless you all.

Suicide: there are answers!

Our advice page will help you, and gives email and phone helplines too. If you are feeling suicidal, please read this, and get help fast. There are many people waiting to help you through this time. They will understand how you feel. Samaritans and Befrienders offices around the world, offer a telephone advice service. Look in your phone book under 'Crisis'. You can also contact them by email at Samaritans.org in UK, and Befrienders in many countries around the world. They are completely confidential - they will never tell anyone else what you have shared with them They say, "Whatever you are going through, we will go through it with you." You can also get help at Women Today Magazine and Men Today Online and email their support address.

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