SOON Online Magazine

SEX IS FOR LOVING

Don't be content with second best in sex! Finding a new safe framework for sex and sexuality. Big questions on boyfriends, girlfriends, romance and relationships. Virginity or promiscuity or what?

Young people are under great pressure to have sex experience before they are ready for it. Magazines, films, TV, books, and adverts, all say,
"Do it, everyone else is."

Yet this new sexual freedom has not brought the happiness that many expected. Experiments with sex have spoilt some lives completely. More marriages and families are splitting up than ever before. Many people who 'sleep around' are unhappy and become very depressed. Suicide among young people has doubled in the last few years. But this need not happen.
How to enjoy sex
Sex is meant to be enjoyed in a secure and loving relationship. No relationship is secure outside the public commitment of marriage. Being married is more than having a piece of paper, it is two people giving themselves to each other for life. The marriage certificate proves that we are serious about it. It guards us against each other's quick change of mind. It gives security for both partners and for any children that come. It provides protection for married friendship to grow and deepen into our 30's and 40's and later life.
Earth in a garden is good, but put a lump of it on the carpet and it becomes dirt. Sex inside marriage is good and right; used elsewhere it is wrong and dangerous. Many people have found that only within marriage is sex satisfying and enjoyable.
8 reasons why sex outside marriage is harmful

Sexually transmitted diseases can be caught.
There are a number of diseases which are caught almost only by having sex with someone who already has the disease. AIDS is the one in the news today. But there are others, not all easily treatable. Some can be passed to a baby. [1] A condom is not complete protection against catching these diseases.

A baby may result
No method of contraception is 100% safe. The pill may be the safest, but it still has a failure rate, and provides no protection against AIDS and other disease.
Mechanical contraceptives - condom and diaphragm have a failure rate of 1 in 14.

Abortion is not a safe and simple answer - at least not for a girl. A large number of girls having abortions are seriously or permanently damaged:

it can cause sterility
miscarriages later on
premature births later
increased risk of breast cancer later
it can often cause a girl to be severely depressed, upset and guilty, even for many years [2]

Abortions are not a good answer. At three months, a foetus is fully formed, with a heartbeat and a life which should be considered very carefully. Many couples who cannot have children are longing to adopt a baby and give it a happy home

Most people prefer new things to second-hand things
So with marriage. Someone with memories of other sex partners, may be seen as less desirable than someone who is unspoilt.

Casual sex takes the trust out of our future marriage
Those who cannot control themselves before marriage won't be fully trusted when difficult times come after marriage. Casual sex can become addictive.

Casual sex is a lie
It says something with the body - 'belonging, caring, loving for always' - that the mind does not mean. It makes use of the other person. Sex without marriage is sex without commitment.

Casual sex can cause depressions
The act of sex usually makes people want security and stability - this is particularly true of girls. If this is not obtained, they can become depressed, and even suicide attempts may follow. Guilt after casual sex can damage people, and any future marriage. Cancer has been shown to follow promiscuity too. [3]

Concentrating on sex can spoil or prevent a friendship
It is important in the years before marriage to get to know people's minds and characters, as well as being attracted by them physically. Only marry your best friend! Sex can follow, beautifully and easily, if the friendship and caring are there first.

God has a better plan
As God invented sex, He understands it power, and the temptations to use it wrongly. The New Testament strongly encourages sex within marriage [4]but condemns casual sex 39 times. [5] The Bible also shows why sexual activity between those of the same sex is wrong, while friendship is good. [6]
Married or single?
Virginity in the girl and the man is the best place to start a marriage. It proves a person can be faithful and it is the best wedding present of all. If virginity has been lost, the next best thing is being sorry, and having no more sex till marriage. Engagement is not the same as marriage - it is easily broken.
Marriages don't just happen. They are made by unselfish effort. Marriage is often hard work, and means changing to fit in with the other person. It means talking, sharing thoughts and problems. Like a garden it grows better, the more the weeds are pulled out and the more loving care is given. It is the ideal setting for bringing up children.
No one should rush into marriage. The other's character, interests, behaviour, and family life should be carefully considered first.
Single life is also quite normal, and can be very happy and fulfilling. It is far better to be free, single, and have many friends, than be married to the wrong person.
Love
Love isn't just something we fall into - it is something we do. It is giving as well as receiving.
More than anything else, marriage can become successful with God's help. If we let God change us, if we bring Him into our marriage, if we pray to Him, sex and marriage can become brilliant.

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References

1)
Dr. Marvin S Anstey, University of Rochester, USA back
2)
R. F. R. Gardner, M.R.C.O.G ,"Abortion". Chapters 23-4 'Results of Abortion' back
3)
Prof J. A. Stallworthy, Professor of Obstetrics & Gynaecolorgy, Oxford back
4)
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 back
5)
The Greek words in the Bible 'pornos' and 'porneia' refer to sex outside marriage. Examples are:

Matthew 15:19
Here is what comes from the heart: wrong thoughts, killing people, all kinds of adultery, stealing, lying and saying wrong things about people.

1 Corinthians 6:18
Run away from every kind of wrong sex! Every other wrong thing which a person does is done outside of his body. But the person who uses sex the wrong way, does a wrong thing to his own body.

1 Corinthians 10:8
We must not use sex the wrong way as some of them did. Twenty-three thousand people died in one day!
Acts 15:20
They must not have sex with someone who is not their husband or wife.

Also look at: Acts 21:21, Ephesians 5:3, Galations 5:19, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4.back
6)
Romans 1:26-27
That is why God left them to do the wrong things they wanted to do. Their women left the right way for women and did things that are wrong for women to do. Their men also left the right way with women. They wanted to have sex with one another. They did wrong things with other men. Their own bodies were punished because of the wrong things they did. back
See also 1 Corinthians 6:9, 1 Timothy 1:10, Leviticus 20:13.

Samaritans and Befrienders offices around the world, offer a telephone advice service. Look in your phone book under 'Crisis'. You can also contact them by email at Samaritans.org in UK, and Befrienders in many countries around the world. They are completely confidential - they will never tell anyone else what you have shared with them They say, "Whatever you are going through, we will go through it with you."

You can also get help at Women Today Magazine and Men Today Online and email their support address.

Another site of interest may be Marriage Uncensored Talk

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