| Unexpected Tulips |
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At a time when my heart was Steeped in painful sorrow, I longed for release from its stifling grief. I didn't want to awaken to another tomorrow. Gone was the love of my life, My precious little boy; The reason for my living and breathing. Into my life, he had brought such joy. The book of his life Held only three and a half years of pages, Before he went to dwell With the God of eternal ages. The pain was most unbearable And it was all consuming, cutting so deep. All I wanted, now, was to go to him Or sink into eternal sleep. Life held no more promise. The sun brought no joy to the morning sky. As I realized the truth of things, People were only born to die. In my chest beat a broken heart That uttered its own silent scream; Upon my face a pasted smile, for others. But then, nothing was real anymore, it seemed. I had always been a winter person. Especially, I loved the falling snow. But this year, it only brought hot tears As it was a blanket over the little one Buried deep below. No one to call me mommy Or to tuck into the bed at night; Toys no longer out of place, All packed away ~ out of sight. The days passed, mindlessly, into another. The cold air began to melt away; No more snow blanket on his resting place, Where we had to leave him that cold winter day. Spring held no promises of the year for me. Nothing would ever be the same. The hurt and anguish of my heart was sharp, Every time I heard his name. Then, one day, something special happened That brought a real smile to my face. There, blooming in the neighbors yard, tulips; But not the ones I had planted in our place. Nothing was blooming. Wasn't that just like things for me? The beautiful tulips, from his memorial, I had planted beneath this old tree. Bemoaning my disappointment, to my husband, That his tulips didn't grow ~ That's when I learned a lesson in planting; What most people already know. It seems, as I had planted The precious tulip bulbs, that day, I had planted them upside down; Somewhere, deep in the earth growing, An unexpected tulip spray. When, as a child, I would dig a hole, Grandma teased that I was digging To China so far. I guess I should Have sent a note with the bulbs ... "Well, dear friends, in China, My tulips; here they are." Then, I smiled at myself ... A smile that began a healing heart, Just a touch of a smile. But, I knew it was a good start. The pain of his leaving Never goes away. But, it doesn't consume my life, anymore, Or hold me prisoner, every day. Spring is coming on, again; Gone the winter snows. I would smile, if Grandma's right. Somewhere in China, An unexpected tulip grows. |
| As a child, we were often taught that, if you keep digging, you would come up in China. Grandma never said how far you had to dig, however. But, remembering that, it was the beginning of healing of my broken heart and spirit. The tulips that I had planted were from His funeral and they were so gorgeous I wanted to keep them alive for him, in his memory. The ability to smile at one's self is important to healing. The Bible says a merry heart does good for the bones. |
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