A Baby With a BabybyKatherine Stewart |
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At the young age of 17, I was like most teenage girls, in love. What I wasn't, carefree and sheltered from the harsh realities of the world because unlike most teenage girls, I was a wife and mother. Starting a family at such a young age is stressful and difficult. It calls for sacrifices and determination. If I were to lecture an audience of young women on the trials and tribulations of teen marriage and pregnancy, I would discuss the financial hardships, the social isolation, and the need for a strong support network. The financial hardships of supporting a baby can be great for a teenager. Raising a baby on my husband's salary was possible thanks to the Navy's benefits, but then his immaturity got the better of him and I found myself divorced at 19. My husband at the time decided that he would rather be out partying and chasing women. He cheated on me more than once. In the process of him cheating another baby was conceived, that's when I knew I couldn't take it. High paying jobs are not easy to find for someone who gave up her education for an early family, especially with no license or car. I had to depend on my family, mainly my sister to get me where I needed to go, such as doctor appointments for the baby. Also even to do little things such as going to the grocery store. As far as school I went back to earn my high school diploma but couldn't afford to go to school and work. When you drop out of school you are only able to make minimum wage and that doesn't go to far when you trying to raise a baby, fifty percent of my checks would go to daycare the other fifty percent to feeding her, diapers and miscellaneous things that the baby needed. The social isolation of a high school wife and mother can be very trying at times. While my friends were at concerts, football games, and slumber parties, I was changing diapers and giving 3 a.m. feedings. When you become a mother there is a lot of things that you have to give up. Could my friends understand my problems of a sick child, unbalanced checkbook, or clipping coupons when they are just trying to get through the next algebra test? Dating after the divorce was awkward because I felt much older than the guys my age because I had experienced more reality in the last three years than they would in probably the next ten. Guys that were my age didn't even want to think about dating someone and automatically being around a baby all the time. It was a very difficult issue to deal with. A strong support network is a must for a young woman who chooses to take the next step early in life. Money will get tight, the baby will get sick, the boss will give you ultimatums, and the light at the end of the tunnel will look very, very, far away. Now is when you need the friends like mine who understood, supported, and helped me along the way. Family will play a big role like mine did. Thanks to my mother I had a place to run home to when I was alone. I lived with my mom, when my daughter and I were left by my husband for the other woman. My mother was always very supportive with me, even from the very beginning when I was way too young to become a mother. When we lived with my mom she never charged me to live there. My mother would watch my daughter for me to give me time away when I needed it. She was and always has been excellent to my children and myself. Choosing a family young may not be easy, but there are rewards for the sacrifices. My children will be raised when I'm still a young woman able to do the things I couldn't when dinner needed to be made. My daughter and I are extremely close, we basically grew up together, because I was a baby with a baby we a have a relationship like as if we were sisters but believe me she knows her boundaries. It's up to each individual which path is right for him or her, whether it's easy or hard. I will say my path was very hard at times but also could be very easy at times. My daughter is now 14 years old and she is an excellent student and an excellent daughter and friend. I would just hope each young girl who heard my lecture would remember my experiences with money troubles, lack of a social life, and how important my friends and family were to my survival. I don't regret my daughter or the strength and knowledge I've gained by being "a baby with a baby." |
| © 2004 Katherine Stewart |
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