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Stories

What do you do when all of a sudden you have found that you have taken a wrong turn on the highway of life and found yourself on the road to adventure. In a fictional story, you can see what you are served it not always what you get

What I Ate For Lunch

It all started a week ago last Saturday night when I got hungry while I was watching a college football game. I had drunk several beers already and I thought I better get something to eat. You know I didn't want to get drunk and miss the game. I waited until half-time and I went flying around the trailer house and looked for my keys. Underneath my Sunday newspaper, below my underwear, and on top of kitchen table, I found my pick-up keys. I yelled out, " Great, I better get a move on!" I rushed out the door and jumped into my 1987 Ford F 150 Navy Blue Pick up truck. It has 48 inch B.F. Goodrich radial mud grip tires. You know the kind that ain't going to get stuck nowheres no matter where you go. It has a seven-foot lift. Man that means, I can change my oil standing up! That old girl and I had been through many a tough time. I had my first date to the prom in that truck, my first kiss, and my first.... Well, that is enough of that part of my life, you probably don't really care to hear about that. Do ya? The old truck moved out of the trailer park and naturally just leaned into the right hand lane and headed straight for to Popeye's Fried Chicken just like it was on auto-pilot. I guess you could tell I lived at Popeye's. I knew the people there by their first name you know all them country names- like Jim Bob the manager, Billy Sue and Suzee Q (the twins) who cook (man can they fry -some chicken) and Betty Jo the drive through girl (who was the breast of my fried chicken and gravy of my potatoes)-they knew me. In fact, they would yell, "Here comes Freddy Jo Bob, throw on an extra order of them extra spicy chickens." They knew I never liked to wait. Not much. I normally would go up to the speaker box and say," Hay sexy, how about them legs" Betty Jo would lean over to my window and whisper," Oh, Freddy Jo Bob, you wouldn't know what to do with a real pair of legs, all you want are legs by the bucket full!" She knew my weakness. I was a relatively what some huge man. I stood six foot two inches tall and weighed around 295. I was solid muscle, good looking, full of chicken eating machine. Well, didn't the good book say ,"Man can't live by bread alone!" Look at me! Can't you tell- I red blooded, beer drinking, wrestling love, deer killing, chicken eating, love machine. Living large, living big, and loving is what I do. So when I pulled up to the drive in I was just wee bit puzzled. As to why I had to wait for three minutes for Betty Jo to get on the speaker. She was normally on me like white on rice. I finally looked down at my watch and asked," Betty Jo, How about them legs?" I just heard silence, then I heard a scream," Help!" I yelled back," Betty Jo are y'all right?" She screamed," Help me, Freddy Jo Bob! Help me darling!" There was something in her voice, it wasn't right. I eased my big blue pickup up to the back of the store and then kept it in first gear as I crept closer up to the back door. I kept the pick up running and said," Darling we have been through a great deal together, but I have a feeling that today I need you help more now than ever before." With those words I jumped out of the truck and ran to the back door. The door was cracked slightly and I peered into the inside of Popeye's. I could see a man I didn't recognize holding a gun on several of the regular staff. They were all tied and bound with rope and duct tape. Oh all the low down dirty things to do. They were using duck tape in a hold up. Just this morning when I went into the Home Depot they told me that they had just sold the last roll and told me that I would have to wait one week to fix my roof. But somehow, Betty Jo had wiggled free of the duck tape and yelled out. I thought this was odd,if I had been doing this I would have used bailing wire with the duck tape, Betty Jo's goose would have been cooked. Everyone in these parts knows that if it can't be held with bailing wire and duct tape it can't be held! That's how I knew he wasn't from around these parts. The man walked over to her and with the back of his right hand and slapped the fool our of her. She flew down to floor. The crack of his hand across her face went all through me. I turned around slowly and reached into inside of my pickup truck cap and pulled out Old Smoky- my 12 gauge double ought buckshot loaded gun. I went back into the kitchen and tipped toed behind the man who had slapped Betty Jo. I told him, Mister, if you prefer to live a natural and unleaded life, you leave right now-get you hands off of my future wife. That man ran fast- right past me out the backdoor. He made a fatal mistake- he tried to steal my truck. That's when Boodroo, my best friend and faithful companion bit a chunk out of his leg. I guess I'm not the only one in the family who likes legs! Betty Jo was crying, you know, the Boo-hooing kind as I freed her and untied the crew. I then called for the sheriff and the local pastor. I was a hero. The press came and asked me several questions, I told them, I did what I thought I had to do and then I said I do!" My life changed that day, I no longer eat at Popeye's. I don't drive down the street to see Betty Jo and I don't talk to her on the speaker any more. My life has changed, I often wondered, what my life would have been like, if I acted like a chicken instead of hero. My life was once the bottom of the bucket, now I'm in charge and I have everything I wanted in my life. A good woman, good food, and a good pick up truck. Who needs fancy drinks, our fancy pick up lines, I'm the type of guy who calls a spade a spade and not afraid to act in a defense of helpless woman. Well, you realize that it was still half-time and I had to get going

©Dr. Richard C Blackstone III

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